jaeeejeeejaeenjeeena · (:

SURVIVED DAY TWO OF WORK!!!
and i want to run back to NUS.

im such a weakling. but it is ok cause I will become stronger.
i shall suffer and hang in there for 6 months and then leave.
I shall look towards my goal, stand firm and be hungry to achieve it.

but only with the help of Christ.

I shall not feel tired because He will give me strength
I shall not depend on others cause man will fail me, only God wont.

i have been awfullyy grumpy recently. I think it is simply the fact that i shld be resting but im not cause im too greedy. 
If its not work, its doing some prototype
If its not prototype, it is rendering pictures for gradbook
If its not gradbook, it is touching up photos for gradshow website
If its not website, it is doing wedding card for church friend,
If its not wedding card, it is hse warming gift for friend,
If it is not gift for friend, it is catching up on acronyms for work.

and the cycle continues. 

the worst is,

no one understands. and some expects me to have the same amount of time which they have. 
worst of all, others think that i have all the time in the world for them.

and the biggest problem is, I forgot the time which i had wanted to set aside for God.

maybe i should settle that first then will everything else fall into place.

* this is going to be super offensive but non the less i have to say it.
Singaporean boys/men (ok maybe not all, most? or rather a large percentage) seriously need to buck up. stop being so self-centered or oblivious or whatever your excuse is,  and BUCK UP. be a man, and let us respect you. cause apparently for some, army did not help you become a MAN.

13 days to the end of thesis
21 days to break free from NUS DID
95 days to....

GRADUATION!
In sec sch, i watched laguna beach season 1, episode 9, graduation day.
i finished sec sch and went on with lessons learnt and a new beginning, finding love and friendship.

In JC, i watched laguna beach season 1, episode 9, graduation day.
I made it through the A levels and went on forgetting my first heartbreak and finding my soulmate and Lifelong friends.

Throughout these time, i've watched this series and felt the joy with those at laguna beach HS. but now, its my turn. What then have i gotten out this time?

4 years,
35040 hrs of design
a lifetime of experience,
a handful of trustworthy friends.

I cant say much about other faculties or departments but in NUS DID, i've gained so much.
I truly learnt the meaning of giving my 200%, i truly knew the sense of perfection. To take pride in my work, to look at things differently, to compromise with others without giving up your principles, to go through thick and thin with people who share the same vision as you. To help without credit, to be joyful while helping, to gain satisfaction when others excel. To respect others and know who to respect. Besides skills, I have truly learnt how to be a person. To have matured and to handle stress which not many can ever imagine solely by memorizing tons of text or formulas though kudos to them for being able to do cause honestly, i can do neither at all. And best of all, for meeting a great group of educators and friends who i am sure i can entrust my life with. 

If i had a cap of 5.0 i'd most prob be on that stage on 5th july reciting that paragraph. 
More importantly than 5th july of the cap score or the honors i'll end up with is 25th May 2012
NUS DID GRADSHOW.
where we display our passion, our blood, sweat and tears.
the nicer side of all those of course.
cant wait for it.
cant wait to through my motar
cant wait to smile and graduate with the people who share the same vision as I
cant wait to collect that scroll and realise that i've completed yet another milestone.
A big one.
One which has truly changed me as a person.
Thank God for ID.
for the times which enabled me to draw closer to Him because of all those stressful moments
for having people to share such moments with
for providing for me and allowing me to see His fruits of labor
for allowing me to taste the sense of satisfaction.
Admist this stressful period when everyone feels "why am i doing this?"
for us to look forward to the 25th of May
to look back and smile,
saying, " I DID IT".
NUS DID class of 2012,
WE ROCK.
(:

My reward for waking up early for a morning run (: my area always has a pretty dawnbreak which i know i can always come home to (:

 
wonderful vanilla cupcake made by NATASHASHASHA my wonderful studio mate ((:
ceral with RIPE bananas! yayes (: felt so happy eating this after having half a unripe banana the day before. and i got scolded by lots of pple for throwing the other half unripe banana away. BANANAS ARE MEANT TO BE EATEN RIPE! no excuses!

One of the ADHD boys im working with for my thesis. They are such bundles of joy. Frustrating sometimes but seeing their eyes light up when they see me makes me so happy (: 
i've been kindof stressed lately; questioning my thesis, seeing so many classmates coming into studio with their formalwear after going for job interviews/ some already gotten jobs...and the submission of portfolio as well as works for the gradbook and gradshow exhibition....
I thought hard abt it and i do not want to do design commercially. Im just not up to scratch yet. 
My only joy, is in working with kids. but how far can i go with that? I'm having quarter life crisis thats why im keeping myself awake with a bar of dark choc toblerone(which is the best!) and a cup of toastbox teh o bing kosong and comparing which is more bitter.

I cant wait to graduate. But i dont want to stop being a student cause it only means that im growing up and will have to face the reality of LIFE. which i obviously cant handle. someone once told me "just suck it up" and i replied " i dont want to and i dont need to". thats how spoilt i am. I thank God though for parents who dont daunt and haunt me with "when are you going to look for a job?"s instead they ask "when are u free to go for holiday?" or "when u come back from holiday then work la". I think my papa doesnt want me to grow up either. I shld just go to switzerland and babysit sarah. everyone will be happy that way. No?

while taking the train and listening to coldplay, i found some reallie good memories but i wish i had forgotten them. and then i realise that there are some fabricated memories (exist but based on self-perception eg:a situation happened but may mean diff things based on individual interpretation) which may not be real yet i keep flipping back to them and wish that they will never disappear (since im quite forgetful). yet none of these two types of memories belong to someone who they both shld belong to.
i DO have quarter life crisis dont i?

maybe i just need a break. my mummy asked me to go to bali with her. she said she would book be a ticket and i could go with her. but i chose not to. cause i have so little faith.

life reallie isnt bad for me at all. neither is it for anyone else. everyone just have their own problems and situations to deal with. The comfort is, that we know that this is just a transitional place. We do not live eternally here. Where then is your place of eternality? i know where mine is. (:

say hello to my new babbbbyyyy!!

Finally got a bucket bag!! ok its not reallie a bucket bag but the size and shape is kindof like a bucket bagg!! hehehee
I totally love this bagg!!

1.Its made out of oil fabric + leather handles and trimmings! = light weight and suitable for sch and rough carry!!! No more worrying if i will scratch the leather or if i'll dry out the leather by carrying it out for too long like my prada bag. pfft.
2. Has wonderful leather smellll!!! though theres not much leather, but it smells great! gd leather i suppose! Duh, its TOD'S they specialize in leather...
3. Its a good size. Since i have so many large totes, this size would be good for the weekends/ shopping trips when i dun have to carry so much stuff!
4. Despite the adjustable handles (which i love,cause my arms very big i dont like squeezy handles), theres a crossbody cloth strap! meaning i can carry as heavy items as i want and not worry that i will stretch/break the leather strap (like my prada again-.-)
5.the oil fabric is slight shimmery grey blue. YUMS.

hehehe. i was deciding between this or tory burch but the TB was far too heavy and its another giant tote eventhough hannah liked it. haha. BUT IM SO HAPPY i finallyy bought one just cause I wanted it. NO JOY FOR THE REST. haha so bad.

brought my chanel for repair finally! (the handles had some problem) now they are fixed and i can bring it out again! yayes (:

so i thought about it and i realised that my house has quite alot of branded bags. we are not particularly crazy over branded stuff like taitais but somehow we've accumulated quite alot. heres the inventory i did in my head

4 Longchamps
4 Pradas
2 Marc Jacobs
1 TOD'S
1 Balenciaga
1 BALLY
1 Chanel
1 Fendi
2 Kate spades
1 Raoul
1 Calvin Klein (does this count?)
11 COACH es (might have somemore hiding somewhere)
1 Ferragamo
2 LVs (tiny ones la)
1 Guess clutch
4 Prada wallets
1 Ferragamo wallet
3 COACH wristlets

I hope no one reads this and then come and rob my hse. YOU WONT FIND ANYTHING. we are good at hiding our loots!
looks like mummy's idea of a bag shelf is a bad idea.
three bicycles got stolen from my hse basement. IT IS NO LONGER SAFE. 

Had a good weekend with food which i shld not eat but got to eat without worries all thanks to Mr. ng dongdong (:
heehee. its kindof strange how this year hes overly excited over vday while i was more worried about my thesis to think about it at all...hurhur.
i had a reallie pleasant surprise! flowers! hehehe in a very long time.
this shall be written
" It was a pleasant surprise and we both looked at each other and couldnt stop laughing..."
haha. we both knew that we're too old for this.
but i salute his courage to carry such a bouquet around; a grown man carrying a bunch of roses taking bus.
If i were a guy i wont have that courage. Even as a girl i dare not bring the flowers out and carry them around. haha.
i think we've swapped. i've stopped believing in romance. haha

sweet as his efforts are, the problems still remain. I dare not tell him what they are. Dont know when i'll ever do so. would that simple word "together" convince him to solve the problems? i do not know. I need some convincing myself. HUR.
but thanks anyway, it was sweet of you. thats whats wrong with me. 


Lines on my face.

Only my right eye has a double eyelid occasionally.
and i didnt know that my eyelashes has such strong lines in them. hehe. no falsies attached!

it must have been a good eye day. (:

PEEEK  A BOOO!

I finally survived my first interim presentation for thesis. 2 more to go before the final. so Surreal.
i've thought long and hard about what i want to do after i graduate and i've decided to do it. Just gonna try my luck. I realised thats the only thing which i reallie reallie reallie want to do. Despite how hard everyone make it sound like.

Life is about taking risks anyways, no?

its quite funny how i've been reading someone's tumblr/blog from time to time throughout these 4-5 yrs? and i realised that shes been blogging about the same stuff. haha always about the same issue. maybe just like how i blog whenever i feel a dip in my relationship with people. i guess thats what upset me most. haha thats what gets me in life. PEOPLE. 

i've realised that recently my brain seem to be shrinking. I cant remember as many words, cant rmb as many events. maybe im getting Alzheimer's haha.

Life has been pretty good. somehow frustrations make their way out and doomsdays arrive and i manage to get past them. thats life i guess. time doesnt stop eventhough ironically, man invented time. 

gonna get some sushi and pay for my online shopping again. -.-  ((:

SOULMATE. 




school has started and everything still feels out of place...but i've come to terms with it. My thesis presenttion is in less than a month. two weeks to be exact but i've still have no idea what im gonna do when i have to present
ideas
sketches
prototype/model
testing.

hurhur. what crazy people designers are. trying to smoke something out of nothing. trying to portray how important we are when we are only creating additional unnecessary objects. thats how humans live. to try and seem important to the world. no?

I've thought about it and realised that eventhough alvin doesnt surprise me, doesnt give in to me all the time, doesnt shower me with cheesy love, doesnt think about me 24/7, doesnt put me me first, but i realise, hes most prob my soulmate. Someone i dont have to put up an appearance with, someone who i can be 100% comfortable with.

yeps. fireworks and sparks wont keep you going forever. only understanding and love will. Hmmm. i suddenly feel reallie old ):

schoool is starting todayy! boohooo! im feeling as if im a primary 1 kid refusing to go to sch again. i dont know why ):
maybe cause this dec holidays i've spent it well with sarah and we just lalalallalaala our month of dec away....strange.
im feeling reallie strange. ):
well...DISNEYLAND was AWESOME!!! it was reallie cold like winter like weather and everyone was wearing winter coats except for us ): but but butbut we decided to battle the cold and wait for the fireworks show and...
OMG IT WAS AWESOME! i reallie reallie reallie want to be a kid and not leave disneyland ):
but the US disneyland is much much better. most prob the best (:
 reallie didnt want to leave HK ): on a lighter note, i saw a eye candy on the flight home. reallie long legged ((: hehe regretted not taking a pic...booohooo.

sigh. i have 0% motivation but i shouldnt be like this cause its my last sem! last lap! but i was telling my papa that i have a problem with last laps. I have a problem finishing stuff.
my 2.4km run i always walk the last lap up till the last 100m. 
my food i never ever finish it and always leave a last piece/spoon of rice/ last bunch of noodles
why ):
i feel like after last sem i've lost myself.
is this what NUS do to you?
i dont know and i dont want to know.
i just want to get this sem over and done with hopefully with a groundbreaking thesis project.
but it feels like it wont happen ):
i need to get rid of this procrastinating devil.

I thought i've learnt that feelings come and go...
and i was very sure of it...

But now i seem to be in a mess. this pre-sem blues seem to be pretty serious.
how now brown cow?
Wouuld it have been much easier if everyone had done their part properly?
BLEH. 

HAH!

2011 is ending. It has been so good to me (: I've done so many things which i never got to do and been to places which i thought i'd end up not going (: I've also gotten more that what i've deserve.

so then...how would i move on? I remember at the end of every year i'll be upset and gloomy just as how i've been the past few weeks...this is because i'd be uncertain and worry for the coming year telling myself that i wont survive the next year. Somehow, i always do. 

Next year would be a big challenge. and i should start thinking about what i want to do. So many people have asked me and ive yet to give a solid answer. I doubt i can.

Oh wells...next june sarah will be leaving for switzerland and Alvin for norway. And i will be left depressed in sunny/rainy/stormy/pondy singapore. Or maybe not !(:

I've been out of sorts lately...getting annoyed by people...even people who i love. ):
i dont know why.
yesterday when i was sulking because of my overcooked prima deli waffle, i suddenly thought of that waffle which "PLOOOP" right in front of me that day...just at the right timming when i havent had my lunch and was reallie hungry. Someone bought me a waffle without me asking him to do so. it was a weird feeling. and i realised that Alvin never ever does such things. And i know, he will never do such things.

Theres alot to think about but i've been brushing everything aside. Instead, i watch dramas and grow fat. HAH. i dont know when i should start facing these problems and setting things right. Maybe i'm afraid of losing something. But, there was never anything for me lose. Is there?

BLEH. end of the year season always makes me gloomy.
DISNEYLAND with the sissypoooo soooooon! cant wait! (:
maybe singapore makes me gloomy. especially with the rain. makes my life soggy ):